Two years ago, I felt like I was trying to do everything for everyone and all the while, doing it all alone. I continually strived to get everything done, but never asked anyone for help. I thought I was more than capable of completing the daily tasks on my own, but I was completely wrong. It became so much of a burden that I began to get very stressed out. The loss of my Mom had caused my patience to gradually fade away. Because of this, every little thing got under my skin, so to speak. While I was doing a balancing act, figuratively spinning an incredible number of plates in the air, I found myself seeking new tasks, or plates to add to my collection. I literally volunteered for everything, seeking to fill the void in my life. I felt if I got busy enough, it would relieve me of some of the sorrow. If I took on enough responsibilities, life would be busier, but less complicated. If I filled my schedule full enough, I wouldn’t have time to think about the virtual cloud hanging over my head.
Sadly, I was entirely wrong. The more responsibilities I took on, the more stressed out I became. The more stressed out I became, the less sleep I was able to get. The less sleep I was able to get, the thinner my patience became. The thinner my patience became, well, I ended up being somewhat like a pressure cooker about to explode. At least, that’s the analogy a friend of mine gave me when I confided in her about my attempts to fill the void in my life. I couldn’t understand why God would take my Mama away. I tried and tried, but I could not wrap my head around the reason for such a tragic event in my life. What was I to do? How could I get through each day if there was any down time whatsoever? Downtime meant time to think, and time to think meant time to think about the void in my life.
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Instead of thinking about the things that were wrong, I have since realized that I should have been thinking about the things that were right. Instead of worrying about the things that were not going according to my plans, I could have been delighting in God’s plan for my life. In life, we often do not see the big picture, but God sees our entire lifespan. He knows all of our comings and goings, even before we have come or gone. He truly does know what is best. He wants us to live a life of joy. He wants us to think positive thoughts, full of truth, nobility, rightness, purity, loveliness, admiralty, excellence, and praiseworthiness. Doesn’t that sound better than thinking thoughts of negativity, falseness, and impurity, just to name a few? Surely, we want to think on positive things. Still, there are times when the worries and cares of this life outweigh the positive aspects of life. In these times of distress, we need to call on the One who created us, the One who created our ability to think. God can give you a mind-set of joy for your journey and peace that passes all understanding.
Along my journey, I still have moments when I momentarily fall into the trap of negative thinking. I wish I could tell you I had found the method to avoid such thinking altogether. What I have found is that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Although things in my life may change, whether it is friends moving away or loved ones passing away, I know that He will never change. And I will never be alone. He is always with me. It doesn’t matter if I am sitting in silence in my bed at night, or if I am at work with a list of a million tasks to be completed. He is with me. It doesn’t even matter if I am at my wit’s end, building up steam like a pressure cooker. He is with me. He overlooks my shortcomings, my outbursts, and my attempts to do this thing called “life” on my own. Why? Because Jesus loves me unconditionally, even my imperfections.
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In Christ’s Love,
Jennifer
1 comments:
Awesome blog Jennifer :-)!!!
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